DA DA DA DAAAAA Its da train station WOOOOOOO
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HOW WE AVIN IT??
LARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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WOW is this 1 or is it 2 cars????
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SHIT
Got my G.C.S.E's soon
Aww well better make the most of it
Top 50 things 2 do in an exam!!
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"
In my English class, Miss Grisman reminded our class of the final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
John Dixon, A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, Miss Grisman smiled sympathetically at John, shok her head, and sweetly said
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
If I Ruled the Universe
First, I'd make everyone dress up like pirates (because pirates rule so much), and I'd have robots do everything (except for the work my slaves do; they'll be doing something pointless like trying to save the whales or something to that effect to keep them busy). Then I'd put all nuclear waste in Wroxall (since the water there is already contaminated; how else can you explain all the birth defects? Inbreeding? Oh wait.. nevermind).
Then I'd pass a law that made it mandatory for everyone to vote for me in every election (so I'd always win, bwahaha). They could, however, vote for someone else, as long as I knew who it was so I could bribe them ahead of time. Every once in a while I might fix the votes so it looked like it was a close election, but then I'd always win (because I'd pass a law saying so) to give people false hopes.
Next, I'd take all the toys and candy in the world and put it in my pure ivory palace (I don't know what it is about endangered species that makes such great furniture), and I'd play with them all by myself, until I got bored five minutes later and burned them in front of all the kids I took them away from. I'd also take down all the TV and Radio stations and put up just one instead. I'd call it the "Submit to me or I will burn your house down and destroy your family" channel, or STMOIWBYHDADYF for short. It would play my brainwashing tapes for at least 25 hours a day (directed by environmentalists, since they're so good at brainwashing), and shameless propaganda for the other two. Oh yeah, days now have 27 hours because I said so.
I'd do irrational things like make it illegal to go swimming on certain daysd'I ekam enoyreve etirw sdrawkcab. I'd chanj the way werds were spelld. Then I'd change them back. I'd set France on fire (with the mimes still in it), and then I'd laugh. I'd laugh and laugh, like it was funny.
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Anuva funky paint job
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TOY STORY 3
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Wonder if I ate some green jello right now, and I barfed, if my barf would be green. Mmm.. green. Green is my favorite flavor.
I wish I had some more money.. I'd buy a llama or something.
What kind of name is llama anyway? Who thought of that one? What a stupid name.
I kind of like it.
You know, I've been thinking recently about how much I rule. I'm really a great guy. If I weren't me, I'd wish I was. Why am I so great? I ask myself that question sometimes:
1. First of all, I'm a pirate. That alone makes me rule over everyone. Pirates by definition rule because they're so mean.
2. Next, I'm a robot.
All my friends think I'm better than they are. Sometimes my friends ask "so how come you rule so much?"
One time I decided to play basketball, but I suck at basketball so I lost. Just kidding, I kicked everyone's ass because I'm the best.
I own everyone at everything. There's no use in trying to be as good as me because it's impossible. There aren't enough words to describe how good I am.
THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND ME.
I AM KING. Everyone wishes they were me. EVERYONE.
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How do you know if you are bored?
1-you are doing nothing
2-you are reading this
3-you have no life... like me
4-you have surfed the entire internet
5-you have not tan because you are always inside
6-you are still reading this list
7-you randomly blurt out violent words at the computer
8-you make up names for your toes/fingers
9-you have named "other" parts of your body
10-you name other things like a football (pinky i love u)
11-you are at this site
12-you say SO all the time but type it like this:ssssssoooooooooooooooo
13-you are STILL at this site
14-you make a ur own website which is SHIT
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INTELEGENCE TEST
What colour was Rana Pratap's WHITE horse?
If D.D is the short form of DOORDARSHAN, what's the long form?
Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army
(d) WRITE A PLAY
Metric conversion.
How many feet in 0.0 meters?
What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
What language is spoken in RUSSIA?
How to you spell PURPLE?
Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
Where does rain come from?
(a) Himalayas
(b) Trees
(c) Indian Ocean
(d) the sky
Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
What are coat hangers used for?
Which creature is called Giraffe?
Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
Where is the first floor in a three story building located?
Advanced math: If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
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HoW tO anNoY pEoPlE
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ask people what gender they are.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Blow your nose when some one is eating.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Name your dog "Dog."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
And finally........recommend www.thechin.20m.com to them :-) |
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On a hairdryer : Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of sweets:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a dessert: Do not turn upside down.
*printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)
On a Pudding packet:
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment. )
On packaging for an iron:Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
On Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On a sleep medicine:
Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!is it true luke??? lol)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or
outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On peanuts packet: Warning: contains nuts.
(Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts.
(REALY DICKHEAD!!)
On a childs superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
There's no trick or surprise.
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.
Now, arrow down (but not too fast, you might miss something).........
What is: 1+5
2+4
3+3
4+2
5+1
Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down.
QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! Then arrow down.
Keep going.
You're thinking of a carrot, right?
If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?
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